Question. How to turn sex without commitment into a relationships?

Lana, how to turn sex without commitment into a serious relationship? I met the guy and I liked him, but I wasn’t thinking about anything serious at first and I agreed to have sex without commitment.

He is 4 years younger than me. We meet on weekends usually, spend just one day and night. Sex is great, also we talk, he tells me about his work, about his childhood, about the family. During the week we have no connection at all and usually, chat on Friday about our weekend plans. We don’t go anywhere, spend the whole time in the bed.

After a few months, I realized that I fell in love and I want a normal relationship, not just a sex, but I’m really afraid to offer him anything more because I’m afraid to lose what we have right now. I really got addicted and can’t just leave.

I was tormented by the question is it possible to gradually develop our present relationship into something more serious? Is it possible that he also wants more but afraid to express his feelings? How should I speak to him about our future? How to act in my situation? I want to go out with him, introduce him to my friends, have a normal date with a dinner and the movie. How to ask him for that? Thanks in advance!

How to ask him for that? How to turn our sex without commitments into a relationship? Thanks in advance!

Ana.

Hi, Ana!

Thank you for your letter. I think these days many women got in the same trap, unfortunately. TV, glamorous movies, magazines, everyone talks about free love and free relationship today. And if you’re not supporting it you’re an old-fashioned spinster.

And many women want to be on top of the contemporary wave and want to try what it is. Especially when every single man keeps saying how great it is to have no commitments at all and be free!

In reality, you actually entering into very limited relationships. Relationships where you have no rights to have a feeling and love, you have no rights to be THE ONE, you have no rights to be someone who has been cared, you have no rights to be a part of your partner’s life, you have no rights to complain about your problems, because there are no commitments!

You have only one right – have scheduled (usually his schedule) sex. But you have a DUTY – you always must to be in the great mood, ready for sex even you don’t feel that way and want to have just a simple date with dinner and a movie.

You have only one right – have scheduled (usually his schedule) sex. But you have a DUTY – you always must to be in the great mood, ready for sex even you don’t feel that way and want to have just a simple date with dinner and a movie. This type of relationship is complete screw up for a woman.

That’s why so many women feel used in such relationship. And this is a normal feeling. You want to be loved too! You want to tell your stories about your childhood, work, your feelings and your life! You want to be important. But when you sign up for sex without commitments, you are agreeing to have no rights.

In your relationships Ana I see only one way, unfortunately. It’s to break up ASAP. You can try to talk to your partner, but be ready that he will never call you back because you broke the rule, you need some commitments, you broke his comfort zone.

Or you can leave everything the way it is now, waste another couple of months and he will leave, believe me, it will happen eventually. But in that case, you’ll feel even worse. Because in the first case, YOU CHOOSE to be respected and YOU CHOSE to end up this dead end relationship. In second case YOU will be DUMPED. This is your choice.

My answer might be rough and not quite what you expected. But I sincerely want the best for you and I want you to meet the guy who will care about YOU. Who will love to hear YOUR stories and who will make sure that YOUR COMFORT is prioritized.

p.s. Why do I think your relationships is a dead end? Because you live like that for several months. If the guy would really want to know you better and would love to have a serious relationship, you would have a ring on your finger already, not the broken heart. now, it’s your move!

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