Question. My Ex Called Me. Why is he contacting me?

ex called

Hi Lana, I’m really confused. Would appreciate your help! Last night my ex called me, we broke up 4 years ago. The relationship was terrible, he lied, cheated, slept with other women, he was very abusive and greedy. And back then he had a successful business but kept counting the money I spent (MY MONEY, I worked). Anyway, I remember that period as the worst part of my life.

The relationship was terrible, he lied, cheated, slept with other women, he was very abusive and greedy. And back then he had a successful business but kept counting the money I spent (MY MONEY, I worked). Anyway, I remember that period as the worst part of my life. And when my ex called, I was surprised and confused.

Today I received a call from an unknown number, he called, wanted to meet. When I asked “why”, he said, “it’s important”, and then after he realized that I’m not coming, he said, the reason he’s calling, he wants to apologize for his behavior. Also, he added “It is important you’re not angry at me. Sorry if I hurt you.”

I was curious how he spent the last 4 years. From the conversation I realized that his business is not very successful anymore, he got married 3 years ago, but they still don’t have any children (5 years ago when we were dating he really wanted them). He said he started a new life with his wife, changed his behavior, realized his mistakes.

I told him that I forgive him, I honestly passed that period. But this morning I caught myself thinking that I was disgusted, disgusted by the fact that “his wife is different, better” that she could change him, that he can love and respect her, but he didn’t love and didn’t respect me! Only with his wife he had a completely different behavior and happy live. In that moment I realized that for some reason I have not yet forgiven his behavior towards me.

The question is what is the reason that I’m still angry? And how to let it go, how to forgive?

Mori

Hi Mori!

I don’t think you’re actually angry at your past relationships. I think you truly passed that time. The reason why you are angry now is because your ex is trying to abuse you (mentally and emotionally) right now.

First of all, you don’t have to blame yourself and think that you’re defective while his wife is perfect. You don’t know for sure what is really going on between them. I highly doubt that everything is in the way he says. You know better than me that he has no problem lying.

Secondly, I’m almost positive about the reason your ex called you. Guys like that who are abusive and “jerky” always want one thing – the power. Power over the people he is abusing. Even after the years he still tries to test you and tries to figure out if you’re still on the hook.

You made a smart decision and refused to meet him. It means you’re not on the leash and he understands that clearly. I’m almost positive he’ll try to contact you again, maybe will show up at your house or at work. Don’t give him any chance. Keep distance and he will dissolve very quickly.

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